Real Talk

Here it is.  I am just going to put some stuff out there.  You may not like my opinion but I don't need you to.  Yes I have been absent from the blogging world much this past year.  Sometimes you can't keep up with life let alone "extras" but I have been reading periodically.  And quite honestly it is getting old.  When I started out on this weird experiment I had no idea of what it would be.  Nor did I know I would get to become friends through this strange catalyst.  But I do have some great friends through the blogging world. I have learned an incredible amount by reading and writing and reading.  I don't intend to eliminate the blogosphere from my world but it's draw for me is diminishing.  I find myself scrolling passed more and more posts from blogs I typically have read in the past.  I started to ask myself why and I had a realization.  The less time I have to read to more I prioritize what I really want to spend my time doing.  And I realized that the blogs I scroll passed are too happy.  Weird right? 

Then I started to think about it.  I enjoy reading and learning and I can't learn anything from "look at Foofoo isn't she amazing and precious and perfect?".  All. the. time.  Now don't get me wrong I love to read about the highs, and the break through's and the successes.  But I have been around the block too many times to know that life with horses is sometimes more down's than up's and many failures come before a success.  Or at least myself and anyone I know in horses it works that way.  I am in no way saying I enjoy the struggles but that is where I learn something.  Maybe it is just me but I guess I have to learn things the hard way.

I feel I have been guilty of this in the past especially as of late because I hate to come on and sound like a complainer the once every 4 months you ever hear from me.  And I don't claim to have even a remotely interesting blog.  Why anyone would read my thoughts I do no know.  I am just putting an idea or thought out there.  Take it or leave it.  It isn't a big deal one way or the other it is just an observation and slight frustration.  Write what you want and what you feel you need to. It is your space and you don't need me to do so.  I just thought I would offer my two cents on the matter.  Don't be afraid to not be perfect.  Don't hold back because of the few fools out there that are just offensive.  I like the REAL you.  The good along with the bad.  Actually I may like the bad a little more ;)

And after that I feel the need to share an awful moment I had on Monday. 

The Setting:
Spring in the air.  Warm, glowing, spring afternoon. Grass is green trees are budding.

The Backstory:
Myself and two of my daughters (DD's#1&3) tack up for our first trail ride on the trails at our new farm.  And my 8 year olds first trail ride ever.  The spouse and daughter #2 are trekking out on foot with fishing poles in hand.  The plan: to meet at the beach.  I was unsure how it would go because Steady has been out of work for so many months and then on top of that he is typically quite a hot mess the first time out on the trails each year.  Then the last time I rode DD #1's Haffy out on the trails a week earlier she bolted and had quite the bronc display.  Which for me aboard is laughable.  Trust me when it is your precious DD aboard it is gut wrenching.  Like watch your whole world flying through the air and being completely terrified for their life but having to hold it together and coach them through it, hard.  And let's add in itty bitty DD on her kind and obedient but sometimes feisty pony out for the first time. It is anyone's guess if we will all return entact.  But I am not one to let nerves or fear stand in mine or my children's way of a good time so we went for it.

The Plot:
It was surprisingly a wonderful ride out to the beach.  Down the beach and all of them navigating some pretty treacherous terrain.  Think straight down and straight up a muddy steeeeeeep hill.  Climbing/hopping over drift logs and making our way over huge rock/stream bed.  My kids are fearless and it is quite awesome.  Steady was antsy but manageable and the ponies were angels.  We met up with the spouse and DD #2 and the corgi.  We played a bit at beach. took a rest on a log and then headed back to the house.  DD #1 says, "I want to trot some on the way home".  I explain that while I am sure she would be fine I don't trust my horse that much and I am so happy/surprised with the way things have gone so far that I just want to keep the rest of the ride stress free and enjoyable so we are keeping it at a walk.  We get to the steeeeeep hill and like the way out I explain again that there will be ONLY WALKING down and up this hill.  We go down, cross the stream.  Steady is in the middle at this point.  DD #1 and haffy in front and DD #3 in back.  For whatever reason an OTTB needs to be a complete asshat (i.e. NONE) he starts canter/rearing/galloping/bounding up the effing steeeeep muddy hill.  Did I mention how steep it was?  I really do not know exactly what he was doing.  All I know is we are already nearly vertical and his front feet are coming way to far off the ground for my comfort level.  I try to hold him back but it just makes him get higher up front so I say screw it and let him go and kick him on.  I figure even if he gallops the rest of the way up it is safer than rearing our way up.  He get's to the top and rears and spins.  And I am pissed.  Oh the therapy my children will need one day.  My husband said he could hear me cursing down at the beach.  I proceed to jump off my horse and beat his ass.  Report me to the authorities I don't care the horse got it from me.  I am sorry but you try to kill me you better believe you WILL regret it, not sorry.  We did some hind end yielding until he started to focus on me.  I got back on and he was still way to spazzy for me so I got back off and did a bit more.  Holy balls that was terrifying.  I am not scared easily but that scared me and when I get scared I get pissed.  We did complete the ride home pretty uneventfully.  Steady was amped but still obedient.  That I am used to with him. 

The Conclusion:
I was questioning my commitment to this horse on the way home.  I know for %100 fact that if this horse was in full time work he would be a serious bad ass working machine.  But that is not my life and it won't be my life for the foreseeable future.  I have too many irons in the fire for that to be my life.  It's tough to have such a freaking awesome horse yet not the life style to cultivate it.  In other words, amazingly athletic, intelligent horse without enough work gets board and makes up their own "fun".