Sacrificing sounds all good and fine until it comes down to the nitty gritty and you actually have to give things up. Real things. Things you love. Things that make you happy.
I write for a variety of reasons. Sometimes I write for you. To keep in connection with my virtual, yet very real blogger community.
Sometimes I write for my horses. You know cause they read this blog too and I don't want them to feel neglected! No really, I write for my horses when I work through training issues and document it here to help me improve for their betterment.
Then other times I write for me. To get things out that otherwise kept in might just make me spontaneously combust. Now is one of THOSE times. I am having a hard time sorting out all that is inside of me right now and getting it black and white does help me.
My question is; what would you be willing to sacrifice?
Sacrifice for a time, not forever but even a short time relatively speaking. Could you give up riding? Could you give up spending the quantity and quality time with your equine partner, lets say for a year? Give up competing?
If it was for something that you KNEW would better your life, your families life and also provide more time and money in the long run so that you could ride and compete more than you have been able to in the past. Then could you?
I think most would say yes, that makes logical sense to give up something you love for a short time to allow you to pursue it more passionately in the future. That of course makes logical sense, but it does not make it easy.
I rode today. Like I did last week and the week before. For like an hour one time a week. My horse is lacking the incredibly muscular specimen he was this time last year and I hate seeing that. I see my horses multiple times a day. Mostly just as I am walking up to the back door but when I look at him and don't see him ripped with gorgeous shiny muscle it makes me sad.
I want to keep up with it all but it just hasn't happened. I say about every other week that I am going to ride 5 days a week no matter what. And every time I have more homework, more house projects or more responsibilities that suck my time and energy away.
Like I said I rode today and not 5 minutes in both me and my horse were huffing and puffing. It's sad. It makes me sad. And today I again committed to start riding every day. And it wasn't a second later it occurred to me that I will be out of town the next 3 days. There goes that plan. I will check back in and let you know if my determination continues when we return Monday. I hope so. I know these really are not real "problems" but they are my thoughts and feelings and it is where I am. And the problem is real to me.
Not your average OTTB given another chance at a new life and a mostly average busy Mom who never gave up on her dream to ride again. An unlikely pair at an unlikely time, learning to event and loving life!
My horsey life has been on hold for almost 12 months due to my horse being lame or sick and now due to a surprise circumstance it looks like I won't be riding much for at least another 12 months of not more.
ReplyDeleteI am in no way happy about this and to be honest I have been depressed about it. I look at friends and acquaintances with their horses, riding, schooling, competing. I see quotes like "the only thing standing between you and success is you!" and I just think bullshit. I can't ride my horse because she is sick and recovering from surgery. How is that an 'excuse' that I'm just telling myself?
Ugh. I know how you feel. It sucks being stuck in that funk. At least you can ride Steady if you have a spare 20 minutes!!
Lisa you made me tear up. You gave some perspective because you are right at least I can get on my horse when I find the time. I am so sorry for where things are for you right now. If you were close to me I totally let you ride Steady when you wanted. That would help keep him in shape too!
DeleteThanks Amy. That would be one expensive ticket but I am sure Steady would be worth the trip! :)
DeleteI didn't mean to make you feel negative about your situation. Sometimes (most times) life just gets in the way. I've come to realise that we need to take what we are given - for me, that is a live horse when just a few months ago it looked like I was going to have to put her to sleep at 7 years old. Today, I have a made who can eat, chill out in the paddock and wear a rug. So much more than I thought I would have had at this stage.
Although I did have a cry earlier today when I found a training diary from a couple if years ago describing some breakthrough schooling rides and a particularly awesome trail ride in the bush. I miss her so much. :(
I know how you feel. At this stage in my life I have had to change my outlook on riding. Even if only to save my own sanity and assuage guilt about what i should be doing with my horse...
ReplyDeleteI do not have kids, but I have an intense job, a long commute and I board my horse 30 minutes one way in the opposite direction of everything else in my life. I see him a few times a week and know that he is well cared for, but there are times when I am able to get on MAYBE once a week sometimes longer. I booked a clinic months ago with a BNT, it was last weekend. Work kicked my butt and i was not able to ride and went to the clinic with only one prep ride. LOL. I'm lucky my guy is such a good boy we only partially embarassed ourselves.
I have a nice horse too, he's wasted standing in a stall/field. I bought him 5 years ago to be my competition horse and I put a lot of time, money and training into him when i had more opportunity to do so.... According to my original plan, we should be schooling 3rd level by now, but we are still doing 1st. I think about selling him to someone that has more time for him every year about half way through another defunct show season. Truth is I could use the money. LOL.
Thing is... he's my buddy, my stress relief, he makes me smile and being with him gives me the opportunity to forget real life for an hour or two at a time.
If you are able to try and look at riding as time to destress and spend time with Steady. I know it's hard, but if you can strip away the goals and the pressure you are putting on yourself and him it will be easier to deal.
I sacrifice a lot to ride, but riding is the one thing in my life that keeps me sane - keeps order - keeps me going. For me I have to ride or my life will fall apart. You have to do what you have to do to get through life.
ReplyDeleteI sacrificed 8 months last year to move to a place where I could work and earn about three times the money I'd get at home. The pony (and husband) stayed at home. It was definitely hard, but worth it to have more career options and way more financial security for the future. I'd give up a year if I had to, but there's fine line right around that point where I feel like it's worth it to get ahead vs "life is too short and why am I not doing what I love"...
ReplyDeleteI get this SOOO much. I'm going away to college ohhhh in about 2 weeks and I'm definitely putting my riding goals on hold. It's hard for me to deal with, especially since my mare isn't coming with me. Harder still is the fact that I really wanted this to be a big summer for us, go to a lot of shows and really do a lot and enjoy the last little bit of normalcy but instead we've been dealing with frustrating lameness for the last four months. It's disheartening for sure and I am sad about what didn't happen this summer. But at the end of the day I'm giving up a little to gain a lot and I truly hope that in 10 years I look back and know for sure I'm doing the right thing (I'm sure I'm not going to think that 2 weeks from now though...it's goin to be rough!)
ReplyDeleteThis is such a hard decision. Wish I had something awesome to add, but I Really don't. I think you're making good decisions for yourself and your family and your horses and I think you will continue to do so.
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard with school and children but if it's what you love to do try talking with your family to make some "before mommy goes crazy and buries everyone in the backyard" time. I think as women and mothers we are so used to sacrificing everything for everything else and taking on the burden that it becomes normal. Everyone else comes before mom. Your horse is in your backyard and it's not going to take you more than an hour to tack up, ride, and untack. Something around your home can be either undone or done by someone else and sometimes it takes speaking up to get your children or hubby to pitch in for an hour 3 days a week. Someone else doing something for one hour three days a week sounds like a fine and reasonable place to start.
ReplyDeleteI have wondered for the past couple of years how you do it! I have always admired your ability to juggle family, home, and ride/compete your horse - I think you are doing just fine! Don't beat yourself up - you just took on even more by furthering your education.
ReplyDeleteI could give up riding for a year (heck I was horseless for two years and it sucked, but it didn't kill me), but no way could I give up Chrome or lease him or anything like that. As long as he's in my backyard so I can see him, hug him, etc. I'm fine. Maybe I'm weird but there is so much more to having a horse than riding to me. *shrug* He could definitely use more exercise (so could I), but it's not the end of the world. :) I hope you can figure out how to juggle everything. Don't stress so much about not riding because it's not going to kill Steady to sit in the pasture for a year. School will go by so fast! Heck this year is already half over (how did that happen??). You'll be back in the saddle in no time!!!! :D
ReplyDeleteActually since I bought Chrome as a weanling I went five years without really riding (two without a horse and then three letting him grow up), then I only rode very little until he turned five so I wouldn't mess up his joints and back. Now is when I need to really start riding him, but I'm so busy with finishing our house and I keep hurting my back, but in the end it doesn't matter because he's happy, he's healthy and he's in my backyard where I can go see him whenever I want. :D
DeleteThis is my struggle as well. Mama to two little ones, 3 & 16months, and another one on the way. If I'm lucky if I get to ride once a week and it's killing me. Not that I'm ungrateful for the very fact that I even have a horse I can ride once a week and not die (and that he's very happy where he is whether I ride or not. :3 ).
ReplyDeleteBut there is so much I want to do with him. Heck, it's not even showing because we can't commit the time + money for that right now! I just want to be able to ride and improve us both. His muscling and balance is severely lacking and my fitness is non-existent. :'(
I find it really hard mentally not have that time out with him as well, but it just seems to be something I have to deal with. The Mister is super supportive, and for that I am glad, as I wouldn't have a horse at all without his help and encouragement. It's just.... Ugh. *sigh*
Long rant I know, but this post struck so many cords with me. I am feeling your pain, and I hope you find a way to do what you need to - for you and for Simon.
bonita of A Riding Habit