Another downer...but there is video

Just to warn all who enter here this is a good ole beat myself up post and I do deserve a beating.  I am SO mad at myself.  I am 31 grown ass woman and sometimes I still act worse than a 4 year old who has no ability to control their emotions and actions.  Actually I think my children act better than I do sometimes.  I woke up in a foul mood yesterday.  No good reason for it I just did.  I tried to get myself out of the funk but with no luck.  One attempt to get out of it was the thought that if I went and rode on a beautiful day like yesterday that would surely snap me out of it.

Sadly that is not the way it worked.  Instead I just acted like the 'B' to my horse.  In the moment I didn't really see it that way. I was more blaming it on him and taking it out on him but afterwards I realized how nasty I was being toward him.  He is not perfect and he was being a pain at moments but I handled myself like a child and forced him more and more when I know that is not what this horse needs.  He wasn't being difficult on purpose he was just being The Dude and behaving right where he is in his training.  My biggest mistake was the thought to bring out the video camera.  He has been so phenomenal lately I wanted to A. capure his awesomeness on tape.  B. Make sure that the awesomeness that I thought I was feeling really looked as good as it felt from the ground.  C. Capture my position on tape so I can see where I need improvement.  Over all video taping is like my way of giving myself a lesson.  So I got on and warmed up.  He was working beautifully.  Then I had to go back and get the camera.  Well when we went back to the house to grab it Steady was so proud of himself and figure he was done.  So to say he was not thrilled when I remounted is an understatement.  Then right at that moment I got a phone call with some bad news.  I proceeded to ride and assumed he would just continue right back with his aweswomeness.  Not the case.  He was tense and being inconsistent in the contact.  He really thought he was done. 

I don't know what I should have done at that moment but what I did do was get determined I was going to push him through it.  Hind sight that was the wrong choice.  To not draw this very boring story out any farther here is the basics.  I proceeded to ride for 30 more minutes.  We were both frustrated and I was being a 'B'.  There was a VERY scary moment when I asked him to pick up the left lead canter and I have no idea what happened all I know is he cantered off on three legs instead of four.  I couldn't tell from on his back what exactly was going on but I knew something was majorly wrong.  I don't know why I did not jump off right at that moment but in my mind I thought he must have just stunned it and not really done any real damage.  Poor logic?  Yes!  and that is pretty much why I am so ticked off at myself right now.  There is video of the whole thing and it is scary to watch.  I can't stop beating myself up over the fact that I kept riding.  Not only kept riding but rode him fairly hard and he was already tired.  He seemed to sort of work out of it and there are NO signs of any damage today, thank God.

Here are a couple videos and still from yesterday.  Steady is just a gorgeous athletic being and I hope and pray he will forgive me for my idiocy.  I will spare you the gimping 3 legged canter video but assure you he does seem fine. BTW the constant clicking is the electric fence. The camera is sitting on a fence post.

Stretchy walk.


His lovely trot.




His awesome canter has returned. Notice 20 meter circle and he can hold his leads again!

P.S. For all who were concerned Steady seems to be eating normally agian!