Reality checks

I love you guys!  I know I have never met most of you though the ones I have met have been instant friends I know that I can come on here and ask, and you guys have the greatest advice.  And the very first comment immediately brought me back to reality and made me think realistically about the entire situation.  Jenj said the same exact things that I would have said to someone else considering this, she was not being unsupported or mean she was just laying the facts and cons of the situation out.  She was spot on and it was what I needed to hear.  I have discussed it with my husband and thought a lot about my motivation for wanting to do it and I realized that my goals, dreams and life would not be the most conducive to that situation.  I realized that I have quite an easy life.  Yes there are things that I would like to add/change but not very many.  Over all I have the family I dreamed of, a Husband who loves me(not without it's struggles as you all well know) a house, land, truck, trailer, my horses in my back yard and I even get to train and compete in the most awesome sport on the entire plant.  I don't have to work 40-50 hours a week why would I want to?  Once I thought it through I know that after cleaning 30 stalls and caring for 30 horses daily not to mention all the business end of it all I would barely have enough energy to take care of my 3 young children let alone ride, train and compete myself.  Then I had to ask myself would I be willing to give up or at least put on hold my riding and personal goals to make this happen?  I just don't believe I am at that place.  I know what it takes to have a farm and even a small one with a few horses and other animals is a shit ton of work.  My whole life would have to change and I would have to give up many many things that are important to me in order to make it happen.  All of that has helped me see that it is just not the right choice or situation for me right now.

Is there still that voice in the back of my head saying but think of all the things you could do with a place like that!  But though this opportunity is not the right one for me it's not say that the right one is not in my future.  Chances are it would not be in such a massive capacity as a 40 stall barn but I would much rather do a smaller operation and do it right than a huge one and not be able to keep up.  Oh but the clinics and developing a cross country course over tome then down the road hold schooling events.  I am imagining what LAZ has done with Come Again Farm and the eventing Mecca it has become in the Indy area.  But those are the love smitten ideas that in reality if I talked to LAZ she would probably scare me off of it quickly because I know how much she works and how long she has had to work to make it what it is and I am not afraid of hard work but that woman goes beyond hard work.  Could I be LAZ?  No.  So to make what she has is just not a realistic goal for me but I am ok with that and that is yhe most important thing that I came away with over the whole thing.  Not all hope is lost in that though there are is something out there for me just not this.  Thanks friends, I truly appreciate each of you inputs.

In other news I went and rode in a clinic today with Nadeem Noon that was held only 10 minutes from my house.  That is the coolest thing ever!!  A clinic with that quality instructor that close to my house!!   There is hope for living in this area after all.  Most of us can appreciate the awesomeness of a clinic that close.  Unless you live in the few areas of the country that are horse country paradise then you are probably, like me, driving several hours to get great quality instruction. 

The clinic for Steady and I was pretty much shit and I feared that coming into it.  I actually had visions of being hauled off in an ambulance from the facility, seriously I did.  The reason I knew what it would be like is because I know this horse and no matter how much I dislike it, if he is not in solid minimum of 3 days a week work and combined with cold weather he turns into a loon.  He started off hot, quick and reactive.  Nad said it perfect when he used the word "volatile" that was precisely what he was being.  He would rush at my leg then overreact to my hand.  It got the worst when he told us to canter.  Then it turned into him spinning, hopping, scooching and flipping his head in every which direction.  I nearly came off twice.  You know it is not the best clinic when you get off and the people watching say, "I was really impressed that you stayed on".  Um yeah kinda hoping to get more out of $75 lesson than reassurance that I can sit a psychotic fit by my horse.  But after getting off switching bits, to the eggbutt snaffle(probably the best help).  I had him in the pelham because I thought he would be strong but what he really needed was a strong had to go into with all of his wound up, tense, energy and the pelham made it an unsafe place for him to push his energy into.  I lunged him for a few minutes each direction and got back on and he was much better.  Not perfect but better.  I could do the exercise at a trot and even got a canter in both directions without any psychotic episodes.  He was heavy in my hands and evading using his hind end but he was not dangerously reactive anymore and it felt really good to be able to have had such a horrific start and to have been able to find a way to work through it and end positively.  It was my first time riding with Nad and I really like him.  He encouraged me push through and gave me the correct instruction to get through it and I was quite pleased with him as a clinician and would definitely ride with him again.  Over all I ended the day happy and excited and frozen.  I am most excited about the idea that this is just the first of many more clinics at this facility of this caliber instructor!  I also made some really great connections and am quite excited about that as well.  All in all, good, good, good!