Ready or not here I go....

Plane leave tomorrow morning at 8:30am.  In 12 hours I will be on the plane and this time tomorrow I will probably be walking the farmers market in Grass Valley!  It is hard enough to leave all children of the two and four legged kind and now with Steady and his still open wounds I know I will be worried.  I plan to make the best of my time and I pray he can heal well on his own.  Dang it I wish I knew someone who could handle an OTTB antic while trying to apply medication.  His cuts are still deep and open and his nose bleeds on and off.  But I must go and don't know of any more options.

I am excited and hope all the goodbyes are easier than I think they will be.  I have NEVER left my children for this amount of time EVER.  Not even close actually.  Nor my husband for that matter.  I think it will be good for me though I know it will be tough.  I am praying that this trip will bring me back relaxed and renewed to get back into my life.  My life that has really seemed to take it's toll on me as of late.  I NEED this break.

My friend adopted a mustang 7 days ago and I am so excited to meet him and see him progress while I am there.  She is doing a video diary of his gentling so I have been able to see how far he has come already.  He is goreous!  She has an amazing heart for animals and has choosen to not go the route of children to be able to help animals the way she wants to. 

My children jumped on my netbook recently and cracked the screen so I do not know how often I will have access to a computer or internet.  I will try to update over the trip while things are fresh but we shall see.

Thank you all for your well wishes for Steady and I.  Keep them coming.  And if any of you are going to be in Indiana in the next 2 weeks can you stop by and check on my guy and clean his wounds and rub ointment on him?  I would be forever grateful :)

24 hours later and his nose is still bleeding...

Instead of getting ready for my trip I am nursing and worrying about my horse.  I am almost certain that the blood is coming from a cut in his nose so if that is the case my mind is a little more at ease.  Though I do worry it could be coming from interal damage, but that is a very slight chance.  The flies have gotten so bad today and he is violently chasing them.  Flinging his head and all that and I think that is why the blood is still coming.  I just put him in his stall and put a hay bag in the air so that he has to at least elevate his nose some of the time and it also keeps the flies away.  Just wanted to update.

What am I chasing here? Really?

God it has not been my year.  I have hope things will turn around but right here right now just plain sucks!  Questions keep popping in my mind.  Why did I get into this again?  What am I trying to accomplish?  Where am I going with all of this?  And the big one!  Am I really happy?  To the last question sadly I have to answer whole heartedly NO.  I started this horse thing again because I have a love for it deep down inside of me.  But it seems since this love has become a reality somewhere my happiness has just sort of faded.  Replaced by, stress, discontentment, sadness, and conflict.  I cannot say what this all means I am just writing out what I am feeling. Sometimes I wonder if I am only so pushed to event because I want to belong and be accepted, to accomplish something outside of raising children, something for me.  I find myself trying so hard to get in with the "crowd".  I try so hard to be better to push farther, for what?  For who?  Is it for me? Or is it just to gain respect or recognition?  All of this interwined with my horse.  A horse that sometimes I honestly hate and others I stand in awe of him and our bond.  Though it seems a long time since there has been a positive moment. 

If you cannot tell I am extremely down and though all of these things go through my head it was brought to the surface today by a specific event.  One I don't really care to elaborate extensively on, I just don't have the energy left.  But in short in taking Steady to the chiro today he went ape shit crazy in the trailer.  Bashed the fuck out of his face.  He is bloody, sore, swollen on his eye, lip, check, jaw, ear and nose and one gash on his hip.  I thought of taking photos but don't really feel up to it and now they are all covered in corona oinment so he resembles more of a native american in war paint.  I am exhausted from the trauma, stress and bawling.  I feel bad for him on one hand but on the other am totally pissed at him.  My emotions are all over the place and am thinking the injections did not help with his lameness.  My husband is perpetually pissed at my efforts of trying to help Steady.  And I take off on an airplane in two days and have no one to care for Steady's wounds.  I think I have finally met my  limit.  Oh and to top it all off I have no bute and I know he is in pain.  Ok I have said enough cause the tears are starting to come again and I don't even have the energy to cry anymore.

This post will probably sound like I have ADD which who knows I am sure I would have been diagnosed with it if that was as popular then as it is now.  But all these things are running through my head and I need to get them out.

I leave in 8 days for Northern California to spend 12 days riding in the Sierra Mountains, Tahoe National forest, Point Reyes beach and Empire Mines.  I am sure I will see beauty I have never seen.  I am riding Rex, a morgan my friend is leasing for me.  Rex is currently jumping 3 feet and in training.  He doesn't have a whole lot of trail experience but is calm and level headed.  I can't wait to meet him!  We will also be riding out to a vineyard with the horses and wine tasting.  Which I am excited to do.  We are also going to the opening of Buck in San Fransisco!  I am nervous leaving for that amount of time but my husband assures me the animals will all be alive when I return and the kids are headed to Grandma and Grandpa's so they will be spoiled well taken care of  while I am gone.

I am also having a seemingly regular panic attack reguarding money but what is new there.

The vet said give Steady 3 days off before returning to work and that he would be as good as he will get in a week.  So I really hope I can get a ride in before I leave where I can really feel the difference.  I also hope all this time off will not be a set back for us in regaurds to event camp.   I had a goal to have him fit for camp but at this point I am not sure how fit he will be with almost 3 weeks off the month before.  But I am happy that we can ride in it. 

Speaking of event camp, it is less than one month away!!!  I will have a lesson with Peter Atkins, Leslie Law and Dorothy Crowell each day for 4 days in a row.  All food will be prepared for us by a fabulous cook and I am much looking forward to getting to know the other 45 riders.  This will be a week in heaven for me.  Me+Steady+awesome trainers+awesome food+ awesome people = doesn't get better than that!!!

Free halflinger!  My Dad has this adorable little 3 year old halfy that he just doesn't want.  I had her at my farm for almost a year but I sent her back to him because he wasn't even paying me to feed her while I worked with her.  She was very sweet, she was calm, she has had a saddle and a rider on her back but not much because of her age .  She is broke to drive and will make a fabulous little eventing pony.  I want her for my girls.  Perfect world I would take her from my Dad and train her over the next 2 years and then my daughter will be 10 and the halfy 5 and they can do pony club together.  Sigh, had I mentioned my panic attack over money??  That is all that is holding me back.  Just feeding the little pig and pig she is.  She is also an easy easy keeper.  So I am not 100% decided if I am going to take her on as a project.  Oh if I lived closer to my parents, then all my horses would be out on their 15 acres of pasture then so many of my money woes would be settled.

Steady goes to the chiro on Monday.  He will probably be feeling so good by event camp that he will be a complete handful.  Here's hoping for no involuntary dismounts!

Before and after photos of Steady feeding Progressive Nutrition.

Today's appointment

I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep.  My mind and stomach were all upset over Steady's appointment.  "Had I over reacted?"  "What if it was something terrible that would keep us off all season?"  The day seemed to drag.  I considered canceling but a friend encouraged me that I needed to know.  She was right so I kept our appointment as schedueled.

Thankfully I have a great leg vet only a 40 minute drive from me.  Steady was just fine hauling though my nerves always seem to creep up.   Steady was a bit excited when we arrived refusing to stand in one spot, but what's new.  Then Dr. King did his thing.   Rubbing, poking, proding with an ink pen and lunging was the extent of the invasive(ha) exam.  15 minutes and he gave his diagnosis.  Soreness seeming to coincide with the ground hardening.  We could go into x-rays and all that but he felt strongly that it would just confirm his thoughts.  Steady was a little off on his left front, interestinly enough.  I could see it as he was lunging him on his rubber mat in his place but not something I ever saw lunging him in my grassy side yard.  Go figure!  Injections it was.  Both front cofins and both lower hocks.  $310 later Steady gets some time off and I will hopefully have a sound horse for the much anticipated event camp coming SOON!  He will be ok to ride for a few days before I leave for my trip.  Then he will have the entire 12 days off.  I will have about 5 days before event camp.  That I may get in two maybe 3 rides on him.  Though I will be riding almost my entire trip out to CA so I will be fit.  All in all I am happy with the news.  He will also be seeing the chiro before camp cause I can tell his lumbar is out.  One day I may have this horse all fixed up and then I won't know what to do with myself.

                                                                  Steady's boo boos.

And he looked so good standing there I thought it a great time to do a weight update photo.  Sooooo wattaya think??!!

Then I poor Moonlight was giving me a pouty face.  This is what happens when an 8 year old little girl that has her own horse learns how to braid.  Who needs Breyer's when you have the real life version?!

Moonlight-"does nobody care that I am a boy??"

Great people!!!

The people you get to know through the common bond of horses is amazing.  Yes there are 'those' that are snobby too good for you types and then the I wanna be a horse person but am an idiot type but there are so many of 'them' that are just plain awesome!!!  One person in particular I am talking about today is Aimee from Sprinkler Bandit!  I have to give her a huge shout out.  I went to the mail box the other day to see a package from her.  Inside were two sets of shims for my thinline pad and a sweet note.  It made my week!  Thank you Aimee for your kindness.  I offered to pay for shipping and she kindly refused and challanged instead for me to pay it forwad.  Aimee I intend to do just that, I will have my eyes pealed for the opprotunity to be the blessing to someone else that you have been to me.

On a not so upbeat note I am a nervous wreck about out vet appointment tomorrow.  I am praying that he will find out what is going on with Steady and that he will be able to continue working.  So please pray, cross your fingers, send good vibes or whatever you like to my Steady man and our appointment tomorrow at 2:30.

You guys are awesome and I look forward to every comment, tip, advice, encouragement that you offer.  When I started this blog I never knew that I would get to 'meet' such amazing people!

IEA day 2&3 XC baby!

Quick update on Steady's freak out.  Since blogger refuses to let me comment on my own blog.
I checked on him this afternoon and all legs look fine he is acting normal which is all relieving. I have an appointment with from what everyone says the vet to go to for legs on Tuesday. I know that the leg problems were not caused by this craziness but I have to think that it contributed. Simply because if he knows getting riden hurts it would make him on edge during saddling. I know I did not tighten the girth too tight. I hadn't even tightened it just put it on the second hole. It could very well have been a bug or bee. Though I would feel better if I had seen the actual culprit. But the horse HATES bugs and turns into a big weenie when it comes to them. Though I think it would take a pretty serious sting to get a bad reaction like that. Now I am afraid to tie him though I have tied him for over a year and never had this happen before. But either way when I am getting ear pinning, tail twitching when asked to canter and cross firing when cantering something must be done. I have heard from lots of people that this vet is amazing and I am hoping he can find out what is going on with my guy.  I will update as I know more.  As of now we may just do some longing at a trot but that is about it.  But damn is he starting to really look good.  And if you are the praying type I wouldn't mind a prayer sent up that Steady will be sound enough to ride in event camp.  Otherwise that money will be lost not to mention how much I was looking forward to it.


Up on Saturday at 4 am followed by the 2 hour drive.  You should see my sleepy eyed horses when I go out that early.  They are very confused why Mama is up and moving.  I snuck in just when the days briefing began.  We got the run down from the technical delagate and hitched a ride on a golf cart to our post for the day.
Saturday was Prelim/Training XC day and I was jump judging on jump 6 with my good ole friend Susan.  What a fun day!   We chatted and sat in awe of some of the horses/riders.  Chatted and some horses/riders a bit out of control even one rider that seemed extra spur agressive.  We changed jumps 3 times for different levels.  We were at the palisade for prelim and T3D.  Then for training we were at a combo log-ditch-log.  All day all clear on our jumps.  Though we could hear over the radio when troubles arose.  Jump 10 and 8 seemed to be the main prolem areas and for good reason.  That evening they have a competitors party and we were given a ticket as volunteers!  I got to eat dinner with some facinating ladies including Lee Ann Zobbe, Mary Tinder and Lani Gilliam.  After helping to clear tables and chairs from the party I snuck in on a golf cart and tagged along with Lee Ann and her students for their course walk drive!  That was awesome.  Since I didn't even get to see the entire course yet and then I got to see it the easy way.  And over hear her coaching, awesome!

My plan Saturday night was to sleep in my truck anything to avoid another 4 am morning followed by a 2 hour drive.  Though I asked if I could park near Lee Ann and Mary's campers just to be near people I knew.  Later that even a storm blew in and I was offered by Mary to share her bed in her camper.  I accepted her offer and spent the night ours with her and a lovely Jewel laughing telling stories and finally well into the AM we finally all shut up and fell asleep.  I was awakened the next morning  my Mary with coffee and breakfast.  Mary was an amazingly kind, generous, sweet, positive and uplifting person.  I am still in awe of her and very grateful for her kindness.  She is the oppitomy of what people say about the eventing crowd.  If I didn't ride in eventing I think I would still come to these events and volunteer just to hang out with these people.

I hopped out of bed at 7:25am threw on my cloths and popped over to Sunday's briefing by 7:30!  Sunday was Novice, N3D and beginner novice XC.  I was at jump 11 Mary's sunrise and today I was manning it by myself.  I have to say I didn't mind the alone time.  Though Mary swung by a few times to keep me company.  We were really taken care of as volunteers and it was such a great experience.  Again everyone was clear on my jump.  The day went smoothly.  I dreamed about the day(maybe soon) that Steady and I will be on this course.  Though it would be a hard decision between riding and volunteering.  When the day was done I didn't hesitate jumping in my truck to head home though because I was sweaty, dirty and tired. I never mentioned the heat, whew!  Saturday was the worst with highs I think in the upper 90's yowza.  I was ready to get home to the family.  Once again dinner awaited me on the table I and my heart was so full from the entire weekend.