Sunday, January 23, 2011


Well you all had great advice and I am glad to say that compromise is exactly what we did.  You can probably tell that last week was a terrible week.  Actually it was one of the worst weeks I have had in a very very long time.  I thought in the bottom of my heart that I was going to have to give up my horses.  We have struggled financially for the past few months.  I mean we all struggle with money at some point or another so I am sure most can relate.  It is just magnified by the fact that we only have one income. 

My husband is supportive of my horse habit.  Not only financially but also always doing projects around the farm to help me keep up with stuff around here.  Now he is not the guy that goes out and feeds or even puts any thought into those things but he will when I need him to if I ask nice and am very descriptive.  I know he wants, with his whole heart, to make this all work out for me and for my girls.  But it has been hard sorting it all out this last year.  We jumped in feet first with the horses last year and we did not expect the expense that it has been.  Just bad planning I guess or high hopes who knows but either way we weren't prepared for the stress it would put on us financially.

Well last week was the straw that broke the camels back.  We were trying to play catch up to begin with when I started having problems with my transmission in my mountaineer.  We had to put a bunch of money into it to get it running including replacing the transmission after we paid to get if fixed 3 times...ouch.  That was enough.  Ryan and I both agreed that we felt better getting rid of the mountaineer.  First because of the trans problems and because I would no longer be able to haul with it.  Probably should have never hauled with it to begin with.  So we decided to get a truck.  I could tell Ryan didn't love the idea but he felt like it was our only option since, well I have these horses. 

That brings us to truck shopping.  I honestly do not want to relive this experience so I am not going to go into it but lets just say it was not pretty.  But we finally found a middle ground and I feel that healing from the whole situation can begin.  I start a part time job on Thursday and we bought a truck, a pretty bright blue 07 6.7L quad cab Dodge Cummins 2500, with a towing package.  It is a very nice vehicle and I am very grateful how this whole situation ended.  One thing I learned was that we need to make it more of a priority for Ryan to find and pursue his hobby or interests.  I think that contributes alot to his resentment toward mine.  He is one to not put himself first and I am learning that if I don't push him he is not going to do what makes him happy. 

So not only did I not have to sell my horses but I also got a truck that is more than capable of pulling them to all of my spring/summertime events!  I will also have a way to help fund all of these events.  I pretty much took the first job available and closest which is 2 day part time position in the afternoons at a truck stop about 3 miles down the road.  Glamorous?  Not so much, but it will help bring peace and that is what needs to happen.  I hope to find something better or get my own business off the ground enough this summer that I won't work there forever.  I feel bad because I don't like airing dirty laundry on the internet.  Thank you all for being so understanding and supportive.  I also try so hard to stay positive and that was not positive so now back to our regularly schedueled programming...Amy and Steady's, Slow and Steady journey toward our eventing dream!!!


  1. That's a good outcome for all concerned. I'm so glad you found a way to make it work to keep the horses - they're very important to you, and I certainly understand the financial burden they represent.

  2. I'm so glad to hear this! I agree that compromise is essential to a marriage, but there are some things you just can't compromise on. Having horses is one of those things!

    I'm in the same boat as you, a stay at home mom with no income. So, I do understand your feelings. I'm always worrying about how much things cost and how to save money to offset the expense of the horses. But, as a full time mom, you contribute a lot to the household. Don't ever discount that!

    Congratulations on your truck! Once you have a pickup, you'll never go back to "regular" vehicles. My truck actually has more room and fits the carseats better than my husband's full size "family" sedan!

  3. Oh I am so happy to hear this!! :-) :-) :-) And I agree with Shannon, once you drive a big truck it's difficult to go back to regular size cars. lol! I am sure you will love it!

  4. Don't feel bad about airing dirty laundry on the blog. I see nothing wrong with it, although I do see where you are coming from because I've had some less than nice comments when I've done so in the past. I'm really glad things worked out for you guys. Working at a truck stop may not be glamorous but at least it's a job. I work at a gas station and I love it. It's an easy job and most of the time the customers are great. I've met some of the nicest people. :) Now to stick with the positive vibe, this was your icky road block for the year now everything else will be smooth sailing and lots of fun. Bring on 2011! :D

  5. Once again - horses come to the rescue. ;)

    Catalysts for positive growth in a marriage!!

  6. Great news. I'm so glad you worked it out. And the new truck sounds divine! I love our truck and picked it out - also a 3/4 ton diesel.

  7. This is really good news. It's strange how coming to the edge of a cliff (together) often sets us on a better path, and fast, too!

  8. True I guess it makes you decide if you are going to give up or figure out a way to get passed it. Thank God for treading new ground and getting passed the cliff.

  9. I'm so glad this worked out! Ryan sounds like a really great guy--my husband is similar in a lot of ways. Once he found something he could enjoy, he quit resenting my horse.

    Have an awesome year!

  10. I am so glad to hear that you two have found a compromise. I was terrified when I read your last post as a relationship that demands that one partner give up their passion is a terrible thing and is only destined for failure. You are 100% right to push him to pursue his own passions. I am a firm believer that each partner needs to have a thing that is theirs and their alone, a life which exists outside the other. I am always pushing SO to go do things with his friends, to pursue his own interests because it is so important that not everything is about the horses. It sounds like you two are working hard to get through the hardest part and you having your own money will DEFINTELY help! Congrats on your new truck and for successfully navigating one of the many relationship minefields!!


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  12. I can so relate to you about the husband not having a hobby that takes priority. My horse demands my time every single day. He has to be fed, watered, etc... no matter what other demands the household or the children may make. I know my husband resents me having to run off to the barn every day. Because of that, I encourage him to pursue his interests and find something he's passionate about like I'm passionate about horses. I think we have to be extra appreciative of our husbands lest they feel they're being replaced by the horses!


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