Tuesday, May 17, 2011

"I just don't get it"

I hear this comment all too often out of my husbands mouth.  It can come in many forms, "what is so hard about riding a horse around in circles?", "It is stupid that you like this stuff so much", or "I don't get why you like horses so much".  The sport is sometimes hard.  Horses in and of themselves can be frustrating and down right discouraging to keep.  If they aren't acting up they are lame or underweight or overweight or need chiropractic or a new saddle because the one you just cut your left arm off for doesn't fit quite right.  It is always something.  Sometimes it is just stupid mistakes on my part that cause problems or stupid actions on the horses part or just plain 'life' that is the problem but in any matter it can be a tough passion to pursue.  But all of that I can handle.  Though at times I question hanging on, in the end I find a way to live this passion of mine and now a love I passed on to my girls.  Just add onto all of it the one person who should want you to be happy constantly belittling you for having the love and passion that you have just gets to me. 

It is my birthday, the big 31, yay, but even my birthday doesn't exempt me from the constant badgering about this love I have of horses.  I guess I could appoligize for getting happiness where I do but logically that makes no sense.  I didn't ask to be given this love or passion.  I couldn't tell why I enjoy it but why does anyone get joy from anything in life?  I am who I am and I refuse to appoligize for being happy.

I am sorry to vent but I needed to get these feelings out that are just eating at me.


  1. Happy Birthday Amy!!! You are right - we don't choose our passion or dream...it is as much a part of us as breathing. And sharing this with your daughters - you will never regret. I can't begin to tell you how much closer my youngest daughter & I are, because of our love for horses.

  2. My long-term-live-in-boyfriend-but-not-fiance is not thrilled with the horse thing, either. He will occasionally complain about the "wasted money" at which point I remind him exactly what percentage of our monthly income he earns and the corresponding proportional amount he spends on video games. Yes, I actually do know these numbers by heart, and yes, the proportional percentage of his income he spends on video games is more than the corresponding percentage of my income I spend on horses. But really, that doesn't work with everyone's relationship, and I only do it when I'm feeling snarky.

    To be honest, I'm feeling snarky almost every time he brings it up.

    Maybe you should remind him of the benefits horses give to people's character, especially for your kids. I, for one, would not be the hard worker I am if I had not been into horses as a girl. There's nothing like an animal that needs several hours of attention a day to give a kid a work ethic. AND there's nothing quite as good at stress relief as caring for horses (caring for, not necessarily riding!).

    You could always just make that particular conversation off limits. You know, "Honey, I know where you stand on this issue but we are not going to change each other's mind and rehashing this over and over again is just damaging our relationship. Maybe we should just agree to disagree and drop it until something constructive can come out of it."

  3. Thank you Kelly, and I 100% agree! Wish he would.

    Tisi- I LOVE your last statement. It is so mature, so logical. I hope and pray that he and I can at least come to this sort of agreement about it all.

  4. Happy birthday Amy!!

    Horse bashing is never fun, and riding above can be painful. Generally, when people tell me how easy it all is, I threaten to make them ride, but that works better with non-spouses.

    Have you tried saying, "________, I know you don't mean to sound this way, but that comes across as hurtful to me and I'd appreciate if you not continue to make those remarks." Frequently, I find that as much as my husband loves me, he isn't always perfectly in tune with just how much his words affect me.

    Your husband is a good guy by all accounts. I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you.

    Enjoy the day!

  5. Happy Birthday!

    I don't think anyone who doesn't ride really "gets it". Heck, sometimes I wonder what I'm doing, myself. Luckily, my husband loves motorcycles and I don't get that at all. So we can "just not get" each other!

  6. Happy Birthday Amy, though I'm sorry you're not having a good one:(
    Yeah, what he says just sucks, no mature response from me, sorry.
    On the good side, turning 31 was a lot easier than turning 30 wasn't it? I turned 31 earlier this year, a lot better than last birthday!

  7. Happy birthday! And phooey on the stupid comments from the husband. I say sell him in Mexico too. An SO does not have to participate in your hobbies, but they should sure as heck support them! I told mine up front, Solo always comes first; if he couldn't deal with that, well, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

    I hope you and yours can sit down and have a talk about it and help him understand how hurtful that is. There is no excuse for that and it will only erode the relationship.

  8. Happy Birthday! Obviously our husbands are twins....ha ha ha. ;-D Mine does not support the horses at all either, but interestingly enough I had them BEFORE he met me and he even TOOK LESSONS before we got married. Yeah, the old "bait and switch" routine. All I can say is do your best. I know for my husband it is often about the money spent on the horses....it got much better when I went back to work after being a SAHM for four years (I teach high school English).

  9. SB you are right he is a great guy and I hope that I portray that on a regular basis. I also agree he does not mean to hurt me.
    eventer79 hit the nail on the head in saying these issues will erode our relationship. I feel we have to find some sort of truce in the situation because it is not healthy.

    Shannon- that is exactly what my husband wants/needs is a motorcycle. I think that is a huge contributing factor is that he doesn't have his "thing". Which I think makes him a little jealous of my "thing", that happens to cost alot of money that is keeping him from his "thing"...lol.

    Thank you for all the birthday wishes!
    Horsemom turning 31 seems pretty inconsequential actually so I guess that is a good thing? LOL.

    STB eventer- That seems to be our exact situation. Though I did not own a horse before our marriage I was very clear in letting him know that they would be a part of my life. I would agree that if I could go work right now that this probably would not be an issue. My youngest will be old enough for school in just over a year and then I can return to some kind of job and I think this will all be fixed. But I really hope to move past this before then. I need it to be fixed before then.

  10. Happy birthday! And yes it sounds like your hubby needs a hobby and passion of his own. :)

  11. Happy birthday!! I think everyone else has covered the unsupportive husband so I'll leave it alone except to say it makes me appreciate my husband more so thank you for that. Things will get better. Hold on to your dreams and passions because life is too short to give up what you love just to make someone else happy.


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