I hope I don't come off as a schizophrenic because this will sound like it is coming out of nowhere. And, well, it kind of is, sort of, but not really. These are things that are always in the back of my mind but ones I never really let surface because I just don't want them to be true. I don't want it to be true that we cannot afford this lifestyle that I keep living when it comes to horses. I don't want it to be true that it causes constant discord within my marriage. I don't want it to be true that NOTHING comes easy for me. I just don't want any of it to be my reality but no matter how much I deny it, it just doesn't go away.
I am using you all as a sounding board because all these things keep rambling in my head and I cannot seem to think straight about it. So at this point no decisions have been made but a decision does have to be made. Then once the decision is made the plan of action as to how to make it all go as smoothly as possible must be made.
#1 Sell Steady.
I don't want to sell my horse. I love him so much and anytime I think about trying to find the perfect owner seems like an impossible task because I want him to be cared for how I would care for him. But I keep pouring money into him and this sport. Money that we don't have. I put things on credit cards not knowing how I will pay for them(this is not something that I or my husband are comfortable with). I feel like I have dug myself in a hole but the hole just keeps getting deeper and deeper. I kept waiting for a leveling off point and I have realized that, that is probably not going to happen. We are not in good shape financially and at this point it is not going to get any better unless we make some changes. The only place that we have left to cut is the horses/animals. I can argue all day long that I deserve this but in the end if I can't afford it, I can't afford it. I don't want to sell my horse but it is a very real option at this point. I feel that someday I will be able to get back into the sport but this time in my life is not the time for it. My kids are still young and I need to be at home with them. I tried the working thing but with my husbands scheduele it just didn't work out. We have NO retirement. That is not a good place to be in, though we are young but we need to make changes now and just can't swing saving because we can barely make it as it is.
#2 Find a leasor.
This is an option but I don't really know how to go about finding not only someone to lease him but the "right" someone. I would be picky and possibly drive them bananas but I thought this might be a way that when I can get back into it that I would have my Steady to do it with. I also have no experience with leasing so you all may be able to give guidence on this one.
#3 Keep the horses but cut out ALL lessons, shows ect.
Strangely this seems like the hardest of all the options. Does that sound crazy. I guess I am thinking if I cut out ALL extra expenses when it comes to the horses besides the occasional trip to ride the trails that it would be more reasonable to keep them. It wouldn't be ideal financially but it would be a little better. BUT I have a very hard time wrapping my brain around just being a trail rider. I just don't see us getting anywhere trying to progress with no lessons. I am way too green and so is he. I also have this crazy competitive side to me. Not really to compete with others though sometimes it does take on that form but mostly myself. I constantly want to better myself. I can go out and really enjoy a good trail ride but I don't have trails out my back door so most of my riding is done in my side yard going in circles. Now I can enjoy riding in circles IF I have something to work towards but just to ride in circles I don't see myself being motivated to get out and ride. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe just going out and have a horsey to love on will be enough to justify the still hefty expense but I don't think so. Hearing about friends going to shows and making good progress toward thier dreams would just be torcher for me. This option just seems the hardest to wrap my head around.
We need to move soon and we have NO money saved up. We will be buying our 3rd house by 33 and still do not have a cent as a down payment. With the housing market and the job market around us I don't see us walking away with much from the sale of our current home. We also have projects that need to be done to the home before we sell it and just don't have the money to do them. These are the things that weigh on my mind all the time. Not only do we use all extra money on my horses and me but are still adding debt. It just doesn't seem wise to keep heading in that direction. And these are the only options that I can see at this point. I am up for any and all advice on this situation. I really need to sort all of it out.